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Why are men so hard to crochet for?

Trigger warning: this is a rant 😤. The queen of Tunisian crochet, TL Yarn Craft, has made a post on the same topic with a gentler tone than mine.

Gray crocheted slipper with detailed texture, placed on a dark background. One slipper stands upright, the other lays face-down. Copyright of Coats & Clark's back in 1962.
©️ Coats & Clark's, 1962

Or rather, why do so many think it's difficult?

It is not a secret that the male and female forms have different proportions. All you need are your eyes, hands, or a measuring tape to figure that one out. Generally speaking, men have longer torsos and arms and broader shoulders than women. That's why crochet patterns for men are marked with, you guessed it, "men's", "for men", or some other variation to carry it across the internet algorithms. So why do I keep seeing in forums women asking/demanding other women find a pattern they can use for a man?

Do they not follow the Cardinal Rule of Crafting: Ask before gifting away what you made? Do they not know the guy they are creating something for? Do they not know where to look?

I am not talking about those asking for help finding patterns for a specific Pokémon or the pattern grandma used to make papa's sweater after looking themself. No, those people know what they are looking for; they need help finding it. I am ranting about people posting "questions" like: "I want to crochet something for my husband but have no idea what to do. Help!" or "I can't find anything to crochet for my brother?"

IDK, ask him what he wants!

How do they find obscure forums that died ten years ago to rant about how they can't find a pattern for their significant other or family member, but not a pattern to use? Is Tom Daley's book Made With Love impossible to find? What about Two Brothers Blankets' Men's Crochet Patterns Collection? It was the first thing Google gave me with the search "crochet for men".

It's not just on forums; I have seen several comments like that in the comment section of crochet designers on video tutorials. Their demands for "help" can't be because of a lack of patterns.


It took me half a day to find the patterns below:

Wearables

How about something more ✨intimate✨? Full Side Briefs by Seyhall Crochet Design

If you use bikini yarn for the shorts or the briefs, it will become functional swimwear.

No? Does he have cold feet?

Maybe make him a pair of socks with butter-soft merino or alpaca? Comfy Basic Socks by In Stitch Style

Or a pair of slippers in his favorite color? Men's House Slippers by Ball Hankn Skein


Something for up top? Like a cowboy hat? The Wainscot Wonderer by Country Crochet CA


Making something for a formal event? Need a necktie? Deluxe Tie by Krea Deluxe, retro filet crochet tie pattern by Divynecrochet

You can never go wrong with a Hemingway Silk tie pattern

A handkerchief to go with the tie? It's just a square; you can do it without a pattern. And if you go for the retro fillet necktie, a granny square will match perfectly.


Don't want to make something complicated:

How about a beanie? Make it easy for yourself and make a rectangle with one side matching his head circumference. Don't know his head circumference? Ask him.

A scarf? Make another rectangle at least the length of his wingspan. Don't know his wingspan? 📢ASK HIM


Amigurumis

Don't want to make a wearable? Not a problem, there is a plethora of plushies and amigurumi to make:

Who can say no to a Highland cow by RoKiKi?

Crocheted highland cow toy with curly mane, in light brown yarn. Its big black eyes give a cute look. Set against a plain white background. Copyright to RoKiKi.
©️ RoKiKi

Or a capybara by Curiouspapaya?

Two crocheted capybaras facing each other on a blue background, each with an orange on top of their heads, creating a cute and whimsical scene. Copyright of Curiouspapaya.
©️ Curiouspapaya

Is he part of a fandom? If he is a Dr. Who fan, he's gonna love this TARDIS pattern by Ninja Cat Crafts. A Star Wars fan would love a lightsaber keychain (by Lilipad Crochet and Yarn Art).. Any Legend of Zelda fan wants a Master Sword by Killer Crochet Design It's a sword. Who doesn't want a sword?


Or does he have a favorite holiday? Then make him something for that. You can start looking here.

And if you stuff the amigurumi with either coffee or lavender, it gains another function: Coffee will repel pests that invade his home, and lavender chases away those that want to snack on his clothes. It's also safe for children and pets.

Speaking of pets, make the toys out of coarse wool. Icelandic and Scandinavian wool are the best choices. The coarser, the better; it will last forever.


Home Decor

Maybe he wants something more practical than amigurumi. And that's fine. You can give him an Armchair Caddy by So Gracefully Made or Glasses Holders with his favorite animal face by PurelyWorks.


Still have no clue?

What about the Hexagon Cardigan Jason Momoa and Jack Black got for Treat Yo Self Crochet? Would he like a pink, red, orange, and yellow combo, or is he more of a green, teal, blue, and purple kind of guy?

Or a long-stemmed rose by PlanetJune that never dies. Who says no to a long-stemmed rose?


Vintage

Don't like the modern patterns?

Try a vintage one. Crocheted and Knitted Men's Jacket resold by Moments In Twine

Or two. Ribbed Family Slipper Shoes, Easy Quick Simple Family Slipper Socks, resold by Past Pattern Palooza Co

Or three. Men's Crochet Fisherman's Cable & Rib Sweater resold by ThistleandTwigCrafts, Vintage Crochet Man's Sweater resold by RoMoCo Hearts, Pullover For Men resold by StitchesByArtgaze


If you still can't find something to make for him, you can either freehand something or admit you don't want to pay for a pattern.

You are making this so much harder than it needs to be.

Go talk to him.

Do not dismiss the hard work and experience of the women, non-binary, and men in this art community by saying you can find something.

Do better.


Note: none of the links in this post are affiliate links. These are just patterns I think fit the best.

Also, note that I will never suggest making someone else a blanket. It is too much work not to keep for yourself and/or your partner.



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